


two hours // wolfstar

by nicosworld



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, POV Remus Lupin, Sad Ending, dude i cant even remember the last time i wrote, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:35:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27330568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nicosworld/pseuds/nicosworld
Summary: in which remus and sirius try to imagine a better future, but the reality of life snatches the possibility away.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 8





	two hours // wolfstar

“I don’t trust him.”  
  
Remus didn’t need to look up from his book to know whose body had just tilted the worn-out sofa as they sat down next to him.  
  
It had been just been them for a while now, the Weasley’s deciding they wanted some time at the Burrow for themselves, an excellent opportunity considering all the children were back at Hogwarts.  
  
As for Tonks and Kingsley, well, it was becoming increasingly difficult for them to come over, with the Ministry keeping tabs on everyone. Despite them being the best Aurors in their department, it would be reckless of them to come over often, especially with Dumbledore gone.  
  
A moment of silence passed before he finally glanced up at Sirius, who was spread out on the opposite end, an arm just behind Remus’ head, before looking down again. “Snape or Kreacher?”  
  
“Dumbledore.”  
  
There was no surprised reaction from Remus. A soft exhale escaped his lips as he shut his book, moving so that he was sitting up, facing Sirius directly. He was only vaguely aware that their thighs were touching, and that Sirius’s arm was only a couple inches away from resting on his shoulder. “I figured you’d say that.”  
  
He couldn’t tell if Sirius’ surprised expression was at his quiet tone or lack of defensiveness. Remus couldn’t blame him, not when they’d spent the first couple of months arguing because while Remus blindly trusted the old Headmaster, Sirius seemed to question his every order.  
  
Sirius and Remus weren’t like Sirius and James. The latter were constantly agreeing with each other, always on the same wavelength, and while Remus had never been jealous, it was still frustrating when neither of them would listen to common sense. Even when James felt like listening, Sirius was still stubborn, which always ended up with him convincing James to stand his ground.  
  
As for Sirius and Remus… They weren’t always in disagreement. Even when they were, it was over small things, like music, books, forms of transport. It was only when the First Wizarding War took a turn for the worse did their disagreements become a lot more significant.  
  
“It’s because he’s getting Snape to teach Harry Occlumency. And-” Remus hesitated before continuing- “because you don’t think he’s telling Harry enough. You don’t think he’s telling _you_ enough about Harry. You don’t trust that he’s making the decision right decision by keeping you here either.”  
  
In his head he added, _and you think he left you in Azkaban for twelve years, knowing you were innocent,_ but there was no way he was going to say it out loud, not when there had been shouting matches about the subject. Even if Sirius hadn’t been a Death Eater, there had been no way to prove that he hadn’t killed the thirteen Muggles. Not with Barty Crouch as the Head of Magical Law Enforcement.  
“I haven’t heard from him since he left. I don’t think Harry has either. It’s always Tonks, Kingsley or Mad-Eye.” It was as if Sirius were trying to keep a calm, neutral face, but the strain was evident on his eyes. Even after Azkaban, his eyes were his most expressive feature. “I’m worried about Harry. After the incident with Arthur, when I think of things that might harm Harry, Voldemort isn’t the first thing that comes to mind anymore. The first thing that comes to mind is Harry himself.”  
  
“Weren’t you the one encouraging him to start and illegal Defense club?” Remus almost expected an angry retort but was surprised with a miserable look that tugged at his chest. He could feel Sirius’ hand grip the couch tightly from next to him.  
  
“What if he leaves the school. Does something stupid-“  
  
“He isn’t James, Pads-“  
  
“You think I don’t know that?” There was the anger Remus had been waiting for.  
  
“Then why-“  
  
“Because he wouldn’t do it for the fun. He wouldn’t do it for that thrill of breaking the rules like James would. He’d do it because these past four years, Dumbledore’s been etching into his brain that saving the world is _his job_. His responsibility. Maybe I haven’t been there for him since birth, but the past year alone made me realise that he’s not like James. James could take a step back if he had to. James was an adult, who made his own decisions and fought because he wanted to. Harry- Harry fights because he’s been manipulated by an old man who just wants to use him as a pawn in this big game of chess,  
  
Dumbledore left him with those god-awful Muggles when he could have offered him the same protection here. What’s the point of being the world’s most powerful wizard, the man who Voldemort fears the most, and not even be able to protect a child? Then introduce that boy to the world he’s been held from and dump all that responsibility at him at once? This place is Harry’s escape, the only place he’s ever felt like he belonged, so he’d give up his life to protect it.”  
  
Remus couldn’t tell when Sirius’ hand had fell to his shoulder, then to his lap. Or when he’d laced their fingers together. If Sirius were squeezing his fingers any tighter, he’d lose all feeling in his hand.  
  
“When I first saw him I thought, maybe, just maybe, I had James back. Just for a moment, and it was awful because I couldn’t hold him up to that expectation. But now, it feels like I have more than James. Like the world rewarded me back, but double. James was my brother. Harry’s like- if things were different-“  
  
Remus finished for him, “he’d be like your son.”  
  
Their hands remained intertwined, but Sirius’ free one moved to cover as much of his face as he could.  
  
 _Ridiculous_ , was the first thought that crossed Remus’ mind at that. Sirius had never gotten used to expressing himself with words. He was all show and no tell, whether it was happiness or anger. Even when he showed, it was in subtle ways. Remus had never realised how passive aggressive Sirius was until they moved in together after Hogwarts and Remus had invited Mary over, while Sirius was visiting the Potters.  
  
It had taken him a week to realise why Sirius had started to decide to sleep on the other side of the bed _(“It’s hot,”_ he’d said. It was March. They lived in London), and on some nights, pretended to stay up so he had an excuse to sleep on the couch. He’d been jealous and while Remus had laughed his arse off at the notion that he’d invited Mary because he had a thing for her (which made Sirius equally grumpy and relieved), he still kept his eye out for any other type of similar behaviour.  
  
It would have been difficult if the things he’d noticed weren’t as endearing. Like the way he’d lead him all the way to the street where Remus’ favourite bookshop and then try to act like he was putting up a fight when Remus asked to go in. Or how Sirius always put their record collections so that Remus’ songs would be played first.  
  
_(“It’s just random, I don’t do it on purpose.”_ At some point, Remus had memorised the order of the songs. It was definitely on purpose.)  
  
He hadn’t realised he’d gone all the way back to their flat in London from fifteen years ago, until he felt a pair of eyes boring into the side of his head. Sirius was staring at him. Somehow in his daze, Remus had pried his other hand away and held it as well.  
  
It must have been the surprising amount of physical contact between them addling his brain, because he’d barely had time to register what he was saying before the words, “I shouldn’t have left,” escaped his lips.  
  
There was no response from Sirius, but it was too late to go back now, so Remus continued, “If I hadn’t left, you would have known I wasn’t the traitor. Leaving made everything more suspicious. Marlene was right too-“ He raised a finger to Sirius’ lips without letting go of their hands, as the other man finally made a noise of protest. “Just… let me finish. She was right about them going to recruit werewolves first. The amount of times they’d cornered me, and I had to fight my way out was starting to concern me,  
  
I was scared. Not for myself, but because if they took me, they’d know about you. We didn’t have a Fidelius Charm on our flat. I thought- maybe, just maybe- if I left you, moved away, then you’d be safe. I realised it was stupid when James told me you’d been ambushed and barely got out, that leaving you was pointless. I almost came running, wanting you to take me back, but then again, I still thought you’d be safer.”  
  
Sirius’ grip on his hands was tightening with every word. They’d never spoken about Remus leaving, or their relationship. Not even when they’d somehow ended up kissing while cleaning under the stairs. It had been fourteen years. It almost felt like it had been in another lifetime, but right now Remus’ head was spinning with so many _what ifs_ that he couldn’t help the words that were spilling out of his mouth.  
  
“You would have told me- that you were making Peter the secret keeper, and I would have told everyone else and you could have- we could have taken Harry in. We’d figure out full moons and he’d be raised with people who loved him and took care of him and-“  
  
It was with a slight pang, that he realised that no one would have believed a werewolf, and he could tell Sirius had sensed that realisation, because he moved so that he was impossibly closer. The stayed there in silence for a while, a feeling of self-consciousness building up in Remus as he realised what he was saying might have implied.  
  
“You know, thinking about everything I may have missed out on if you hadn’t been an idiot should hurt, but-“ Sirius leaned impossibly close, his head tilted slightly- “maybe, this time, when this is over, we could actually have that.”  
  
“We can’t go back in time and change things, Padfoot-“  
  
“ _A family_ , Moony.” Sirius cut him off before he could finish. “One day, the ministry will come to it’s senses and I’ll be cleared. We could take Harry in. Fuck whatever Dumbledore says, because this place is Unplottable, so I’d like to see Voldemort try get him here. We’ll heal together, make this place a home.”  
  
“Sirius-“  
  
“But only if you stop being an idiot.”  
  
“If you think I’m going to agree while you keep calling me an idiot, then you’re-“  
  
But Remus didn’t get to tell Sirius that he was wrong, because Sirius had untangled their hands, and was now kissing him, Remus’ face cradled in his hands. It wasn’t anything like the one they’d shared under the stairs. This one was gentle, like the ones Sirius used to surprise him with when they’d first moved in together. It was the ones Remus preferred, because Sirius was all show and not tell, but these kisses told him everything.  
  
He wouldn’t lie and say it hadn’t been strange having him back. He’d spent twelve years, hating him, but unable to hate him at the same time. Maybe if he’d found any sort of reason Sirius would betray James, it would have been easier. But he’d known Sirius. Unlike James who had him figured out from day one, Remus had to study Sirius, slowly and carefully, and after seven or eight years, he could almost say he had him perfectly memorised, which is why for twelve years, he’d been confused more than angry.  
  
He couldn’t tell when he’d wrapped his arms around him, or how they ended pressed up against each other, but when Sirius pulled away his face was flushed, and he even looked a little embarrassed. Thirty-six, and still getting flustered by a kiss, though Remus couldn’t comment on that, considering he was probably sporting the same expression.  
  
“This place is my biggest nightmare. It has been for years. It’s almost like it represents me as a person” This time it was Sirius’ turn to cover Remus’ mouth at an angry protest. “ _Not like that._ I mean that it’s this dark, dark place. But if we take care of it, we could turn it into something different. This place’s been filled with bigots and assholes for centuries. We could make it a place of acceptance.”  
  
Remus felt his thumb brush over his jaw. “And love,” he said quietly. He thought meant familial and platonic too, but the smile on Sirius’ face and the way that his heart felt like it had skipped three beats, made him think that maybe he hadn’t.  
  
“Only the most important part,” agreed Sirius.  
  
“You know it’s really bold of you to assume that you can just kiss me and it’s fine,” said Remus after a long, but not uncomfortable silence.  
  
He almost regretted saying it (because it really was fine. more than fine actually.), but Sirius just pulled himself away, leaning back on the couch again, a lazy grin, reminiscent of the afternoons they’d spent at cafes overlooking the Thames as they brushed legs under the table, tugging at his mouth. “Funny. Didn’t you make that same assumption last month?”  
  
Remus chucked a cushion at him, though not hard enough for it to hurt. “Come here, asshat.”  
  
“Asshat?” But Sirius still moved back to where Remus was holding out his arms.  
  
Both their movements were uncertain, almost as if they were doing this for the first time again. The circumstances that led to them being there definitely made it feel that way. They were so different to how they’d left each other, yet this, whatever _this_ was, hadn’t changed. Remus didn’t know whether to feel scared or comforted.  
  
An hour later they were still in the same position, Remus holding his book out in front of the both of them. He read to Sirius quietly for a while, until he felt Sirius go extremely quiet.  
  
“He’s going to be okay. It’ll take a while, but he will be,” he whispered, thinking he was asleep.  
  
It was when Sirius tilted his head up to press his lips against Remus’ jaw that he realised he wasn’t.  
  
"I know," he whispered back, even though they were completely alone.   
  
It was foolish to think for one second that it would last for more than those two hours. It was foolish to think that he could feel that content, and not have it swept from under his feet in an instant. He'd promised he'd be back soon, only to get the muggle paper, but when he finally apparated back to the house, something felt wrong.  
  
Dumbledore stood there, a thundering look on his face. So did Kreacher, who he hadn't seen since Christmas, his grotesque smile dripping with malice.  
  
It was wrong, all so wrong.  
  
 _But this is right_ , whispered a voice in his head as his lungs screamed in pain, as if a thousand bricks had been dropped onto his chest. _You're a werewolf. Werewolves never get a happy ending._

**Author's Note:**

> im so so so so sorry. i'm really sorry.


End file.
